Summary of Monday

Yesterday I did barely half of what I had hoped to do. When I came home I was totally exhausted. I managed to clean the kitchen, tidy a little the living room and the rest I spent resting in bed. The energy was totally drained out of me. I hope that this feeling goes away soon as I am missing out on a lot. I barely sat on the internet also.

Today is another day where I hope I get to get things done. A little anyway as I am already tired now. I got things ready yesterday so that I could easily make breakfast today. I know I am very tired in the mornings and do not really like to stress. I was forcing myself to get things ready so as life is easier in the mornings. It is not a bad thing actually.

I hope that it does not blow as much as it did yesterday. I did not sit outside. I was freezing even though the sun was shinning.

I realized that I waste a lot of time in front of the computer. I do not watch much television but I do a lot of mindless surfing. I should cut that down and do more productive things with my time. I should start reading more. I have the books waiting for me so why not? The house always needs some sort of cleaning. My new cleansing routine takes time in the morning and the evening so there is time needed there and that is paying off. I have baby soft skin. I am very pleased with the results so far.

Today is midsummer night. This year we are not doing anything since its in the middle of work week. Stay at home and enjoy our lawn. We took up the pool 2 days ago. Hopefully the water is a little warmer so that kiddo can go ‘swimming’ Let us see what today has installed for us.

The work week has started and I am back at work. Though what really want to be is in bed. The penicillin makes me very sleepy and tired. 2 more days and I am done with it. Hopefully I am able to get back my energy and start a regular work out. I am resigned to the fact now that my body wants me to be 62 kilos or around there.

The making sure I wash, cleanse and moisturise twice a day has paid off already. My skin looks very youthful and is smooth to the touch. I know I get these bouts of taking care of my skin and then neglecting it. I hope this time I am able to make this a life long habit as I am over 30 and its downhill for things that are not taken care of properly.

Now we have to look at the eating part. I eat too much. Every time I eat I stuff myself. I am trying to cut down on the portion. Not easy when I am done eating I still crave for more and I know that I am actually full. That is a hard thing to fix. I sit there thinking about wanting more food. It is a constant struggle.

This thing being human is not easy. Everyone has their problems and hick ups. Is there such a thing as a well adjusted human being? I am starting to wonder if it exists at all. Right now I am struggling with several issues. Marriage issues and life issues.

This week the sun is nice and hot. I am going to try to enjoy it while it last and not dwell on things. Hopefully I can find joy and joy can find me.

What a week!!

It was a very painful week. The throat infection was bad. It HURTS BADLY when I swallow. I did not really eat anything for 2 days and when I could start eating on the third day, it tasted like crap. Everything.

Now I am feeling only slightly under the weather. I am going back to work this Monday. I am very looking forward to it.

On Tuesday, I had my grading test. I was sick then, fever and sore throat and what not. I told them I feel like crap but I am going to give a try and try my best. I did not get special treatment and I MADE IT! I am now and orange belt holder of Jiu Jitsu.

So I hope to see what next weeks brings me. Hopefully lots of fresh vegetables, some exercise and lots of relaxation.

Sick!!!

I do believe I have a throat infection. The doctor will have to confirm it tomorrow when I make or demand a consultation. I have been home sick since Monday and I am not getting better!! Today's diet consisted of various forms of liquid and 1 single small fruit. I have no appetite nor do I want the pain of swallowing as it hurts. And that said there is a bug on my computer that hubby needs to get rid off!

I need a break

Bad week, bad bad week! It is hard not to fall into the depth of depression and despair. How do happy people stay happy?! It is like the life being sucked out! There are days when I want to be happy and positive but life feels heavy. This week is one of those week. It is not easy being human, being married. This week is the week I would love to be living alone on a desert island. Not doing anything but stare at the sea and enjoy the silence.

Maybe that is what I should do, start meditating! J The times where we have gone to the sea near our house where the husband and kid go wondering in the WW2 bunkers. I sat there alone, listening to the sea. Looking at the beauty. That is there I decided that I want to be cremated and ash spread in the sea. That way, my kid can visit me anytime kiddo wants to anywhere in the world.

I have not done any exercise due to the constant pain I am in. I refuse to take any pain killer or muscle relaxer for I feel that if I finally use it, it has to work! This Tuesday is my grading to the orange belt. I hope it goes well. Nothing more I can do about it. I have been going regularly and the only times I did not go is when I am sick!

The only thing I can do is hope things get better. Do things so that it gets better. I should keep reminding of the good life I have and that I should be more than thankful for the life I have. I should try to make each day a rather ok day. Living a day that I will not regret. It is not easy. Yesterday was a day that when I came home, kiddo was home, sick. Kiddo wanted me to cuddle. I was told that I am the preferred parent to cuddle with. Kiddo always wants mummy to cuddle hug and kiss. Not the father. Mother is best? That made my day.

Here I am age 30. I am average in everything. Living the life like how most people live. It is good in some sense. I am so normal. I have the same worry and hang ups. Sure there are some difference with my life and the next door 30 year old. I am lucky to live a life where the only debt that I have is my mortgage. I do not have credit card debt (for the life of me I cannot remember the pin code). Our cars are paid down. House will be paid down before. Be grateful for what I have. To see the beauty of everything. To enjoy the small moments in life. That not easy. Society makes us want more and better.

I have tons of clothes but I always want more. I cannot really wear all of them. Vanity dictates that you wear something different all the time. It dictates that you have to be youthful and skinny. Any fat in the body is frowned upon. How does one get out of the evilness? Are there not more important issues that we should be more worried about?

I feel like I am missing passion and purpose in life. I am sure that there are a lot of people out there feels the same. Then there are a lot of people has that passion and drive in them that it is scary. I want some of that! Why is that not possible?

Pain

What can I say? Life is full of ups and a lot of downs. Right now it is PAIN. My hips are giving me problems again. It started to be bad last week. This week I had to get a chiropractor to set it in place. Hopefully it would be better today or else tomorrow I have to again take a trip to him.

I cannot say that last 2 weeks have been good. The underlying pain makes me very grumpy and do not tolerate any crap from anyone. Totally understandable for my part that is why I also keep to myself.

We were on a 3 day trip to the capital. Hubby’s nephew had a confirmation. It was a 4 hour drive to and kiddo was very good. Both to and from. Bribery of ice cream works! It was a very tiring trip. Though I managed to do some damaged in Esprit. I was very happy with my buys. A white dress and 4 tops. Though I really wished they had an online store to where I live. I wrote to them to complain to them stating that Mango sends to where I live with all the taxes and customs duties paid!

I have dozens of plans of things that I want to do, to achieve. I think I only get it half way most of the time. Right now my goal is to heal my back. I skipped my jiu jitsu class and next week I have a test. Though for me not making the grade is not a big loss as the reason why I joined is that if a psycho wants to attack me, I have some sort of self defence that I know. I have a feeling going up to the orange belt is easy but after that it is more hard work. Then again I have no plans of fast advancement after getting the orange belt. Only enjoying myself at getting my ass kicked and sucking at it.

On this trip to the capital, I realize that I am a small town girl now. The crowd, cars and people were suffocating! Then there would be the pressure to shop, shop and shop more than what is really good for me. Temptation would be just too much! This small town makes it easy for me to say no to buying stuff (not that anything tempts me here) and avoid the crowds when I want to! My kid just walked out when we were looking for some t-shirt at the Hard Rock. Here in town I wont even bother but there I went straight out and told him not to do such a thing! Too many weirdos and drug addicts around.

In other words, I am grateful for the life that I live and the place that I am living. It is easy to see the bad side of one place but not the beauty and positive side of things. I am grateful for the job that I have, the house and car. Most especially I am grateful for a family. Small but its just nice.

Another week gone by

This week is a 'bad' week. I was/am PMSing very badly. My whole body felt weak, I slept badly and I did not have any energy to do anything. So that translated to not cleaning the house and not working out properly. Though I still have the weekend that can salvage the whole week.

I am definitely feeling bloated. Each day I want to make it a good one but somehow these past few days have been very hard. Tomorrow the first thing that needs to be done is to clean the house. We will take it from there.